Often depicted as a magical season overflowing with joy, laughter, and cherished moments shared with loved ones, the holiday season in the Philippines is a vibrant celebration of togetherness and goodwill. This enchanting time of year brings to life heartwarming scenes. Families share meals, children eagerly receive aguinaldos (gifts) from their ninongs (godfathers) and ninangs (godmothers), and streets are aglow with festive lights. Homes are adorned with colorful hanging parols (lanterns), illuminating the spirit of the season and creating a warm, inviting atmosphere that embodies the essence of Filipino hospitality and love.
Yet for many, this enchanting image can be far from their reality. For many others, the holiday season is one marked by stress, anxiety, loneliness, and at times, a profound sadness.
What Makes the Holiday Season Stressful?
The pressure to create the “perfect” holiday can be overwhelming. Holiday stressors may take the form of making sure that you buy the perfect exchange gift for your office Christmas party, preparing the ideal noche buena for your family gathering, or just meeting the expectations of family and friends.
The Competitive Filipino Mentality
Financial strain often exacerbates this pressure, especially in the Philippines where we have a culture described as pataasan ng ihi, a Filipino colloquial expression that translates to “a contest of who can pee higher.“ This refers to a competitive mentality, where people subtly (or not-so-subtly) try to outdo one another, be it through material gifts, lavish celebrations, or accomplishments. This is fueled by the desire to impress and maintain social status. Such cultural norms can heighten the pressure to spend beyond our means and try to present the most extravagant gifts. As a result, a toxic cycle of stress, insecurity, and financial burden is created.
Loss and Unresolved Family Conflicts
For some people, the holidays serve as a painful reminder for lost loved ones or complicated family relationships. The holiday season, which is often portrayed as a time of joy and togetherness, can instead bring unresolved conflicts and emotions to the surface. Inadvertently, this reopens wounds and brings feelings of tension and unease that may have been tucked away throughout the year.
Faking It ’til You Make It
As for the rest, the holidays become a time to put on a fake smile. It is typical for individuals to mask the inner turmoil they feel to match the festive mood around them. Sometimes, it’s out of obligation to keep up appearances for family and friends. Other times, it stems from the fear of dampening the holiday spirit. Regardless, the pressure to hide pain behind a cheerful façade is all too common. Beneath the surface, there may be struggles with grief, loneliness, or unresolved tensions that make the season more of a burden than a celebration.
In a country that expects nothing but joy and celebration, it can feel almost impossible to show anything but a smile.
Finding Peace During the Holiday Season
During this time, it’s important to remember that it’s okay to not be okay, as clichéd as that may sound. Moreover, it’s okay to take a step back and prioritize your own mental health. In a country where pleasing your elders and conforming to societal expectations always take top priority, it’s important to remember that you don’t have to live by anyone’s standards nor by anyone’s expectations. You certainly do not have to put on a fake smile and feel the joy that others seem to exude if that is not how you feel at the moment.
9 Tips for Managing Holiday Stress
With all this in mind, here’s a comprehensive guide to managing holiday stress so that you can approach the season with more balance, self-compassion, and understanding.
Set realistic expectations for the holiday season.
The idea that everything will be perfect and go exactly as planned is one of the biggest sources of stress during the holidays [*]. We often obsess over even the smallest details, leading to tension and, ultimately, disappointment. Accepting that not everything will turn out as you’ve envisioned and understanding that it’s okay if things aren’t perfect can ease the pressure. By embracing imperfections, you can focus on what truly matters: being present and spending time with your loved ones. This will allow you to enjoy the season more fully.
Take breaks when needed.
Although family gatherings can bring joy, they can also be emotionally draining. This is especially the case when complicated family dynamics and unresolved issues come into play. If things feel overwhelming, don’t hesitate to take a break. Step away from the situation for a few minutes to clear your head and regain your composure. Prioritizing your emotional well-being is important, and taking time for yourself can help you navigate these challenging moments with greater ease.
Honor your emotions to alleviate holiday stress.
Ignoring our feelings, especially during a time when everyone around us seems to be radiating happiness, might feel like an easy way to avoid discomfort and tension. However, suppressing our emotions only builds up stress and anxiety. It can even lead to depression in the long run [*]. It’s important to acknowledge how we feel, even when it feels out of sync with the world around us. It’s okay not to feel cheerful sometimes. The holiday season shouldn’t dictate what you’re supposed to feel.
Instead of ignoring our emotions, start to acknowledge them. Give yourself the space to feel whatever comes up, whether it’s happiness, sadness, anger, or anything in between. By acknowledging and recognizing your emotions, you allow yourself to process your feelings in a healthy way, rather than letting it build up and overwhelm you. Acknowledging your emotions is the first step toward healing and finding peace within yourself.
Give yourself permission to say no.
This tip is reminiscent of a particular line from a Taylor Swift song: “a pathological people pleaser.” During the holiday season, it may be easy to fall into the trap of always saying yes to every event, every tradition, and every expectation just to keep others happy.
However, constantly doing this often leads to burnout and resentment [*]. Remember that it’s okay to set boundaries and say no when needed. Setting clear boundaries not only allows you to manage your energy and prevent burnout but also supports your mental and emotional well-being [*].
Manage financial stress.
In the Philippines, a competitive mentality is rampant. Thus, the biggest holiday stressor for Filipinos is arguably the financial strain of gift giving and hosting family gatherings. Often, the desire to impress can take a toll on both our wallet and our mental health.
To avoid this, set a budget and stick to it. Keep in mind that thoughtful gestures and spending time with your loved ones are still far more valuable than extravagant gifts.
In addition, don’t be afraid to communicate your financial boundaries openly with family and friends. The pressure to spend beyond our means usually comes from unspoken expectations. However, initiating a conversation can change that. In many cases, your loved ones will appreciate your honesty. They might even feel relieved by the suggestion to simplify things. After all, the holiday season should be about shared experiences and meaningful connections, not about stretching yourself thin financially. By setting these boundaries, you’re not only protecting your own well-being but also encouraging others to focus on what truly matters during the season.
Embrace small moments of joy.
The holiday season is the busiest time of the year. Because of this, we often lose sight of the small, peaceful moments that bring true joy and calm. With all the hustle and bustle, it’s easy to get caught up in the rush of partying, shopping, and planning. It’s important to remember to slow down and enjoy the little things. Small moments include laughter with a loved one, morning coffee with your significant other, or the smell of your favorite holiday dish. These small moments of joy can help ground you in the present and remind you that happiness isn’t only found in grand gestures or events.
Practice self-compassion.
Navigating the holiday season can be tough, especially when the world seems to expect a constant stream of happiness. However, keep in mind that you’re allowed to prioritize your well-being and take things at your own pace. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer a friend in need.
If things don’t go perfectly, don’t beat yourself up. Mistakes happen, plans change, and things don’t always go as expected. Instead of focusing on what went wrong, practice self-compassion and allow yourself the grace to let things be imperfect.
Reach out for support this holiday season.
The holiday season can intensify feelings of sadness and loneliness, especially if you are recently dealing with loss. If you are feeling overwhelmed, reaching out to someone for support can make all the difference. Whether it’s a close friend, family member, or a support group, talking to someone who understands can help ease the weight you’re carrying.
However, if you’re facing more intense feelings of anxiety, depression, or grief, don’t hesitate to connect with a mental health professional for guidance.
Set compassionate goals for the new year.
As the year comes to a close, many people set ambitious resolutions for the new year. However, this can sometimes add stress rather than alleviate it. Instead, try setting compassionate goals—small, realistic goals that promote growth while preventing self-criticism. Focus on your mental health priorities, such as finding more balance, practicing self-kindness, or learning new coping skills. Be kind to yourself as you map out the coming year. In addition, avoid setting rigid expectations that could lead to disappointment.
Final Thoughts
Although the holiday season is often celebrated as a time of joy, it can also bring a great deal of stress and emotional strain. It’s important to recognize that it’s okay to prioritize your mental health, set boundaries, and honor your emotions during this busy time. By taking small steps, you can navigate the season with more balance and self-compassion. These steps can take the form of managing financial expectations, taking breaks when needed, or embracing moments of calm.
Remember that the holidays don’t have to be perfect, and neither do you. Focus on what truly matters: staying connected, being kind, and caring for yourself.
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