The irony of writing this article isn’t lost on me. Trying to figure out how to even begin, I found myself telling my friend, “Ugh, I need this to be perfect.” But the moment I said it out loud, I stopped and laughed at myself. Here I was, writing about overcoming perfectionism, and I was already trapped in it.
I spent days rewriting the first sentence over and over, doubting every word. The truth is that perfectionism takes subtle forms. It’s in how we start a sentence. How we send a message. Even how we plan our next move.
So if you’ve ever felt stuck because you didn’t think that what you were doing was good enough, I get it. This one’s for us.
What Is Perfectionism?
Perfectionism isn’t only about wanting to do your best. It’s the belief that anything less than perfect is unacceptable. Perfectionists often feel pressured to meet impossible standards. To make matters worse, fear of failure or judgment comes with it.
Being a perfectionist isn’t like having healthy ambitions. Ambition pushes us forward. In contrast, perfectionism traps us in a cycle of self-criticism, doubt, and burnout. Although it can propel you to work harder, it usually leads to dissatisfaction.
An example of perfectionism is delaying starting a project out of discouragement. If you’re a perfectionist, you’d likely be thinking, “If I can’t do this perfectly, then I better not do it at all.” This is a hallmark of the perfectionist mindset.
Common Traits of Perfectionists
Perfectionism can look different in everyone, but some common signs are the following:
Why Do We Become Perfectionists?
Perfectionism often starts early, shaped by the environment we grow up in. In fact, authoritarian parenting has been found to be negatively correlated with perfectionism development [1].
For instance, I became a perfectionist because I grew up with an overbearing dad. Working in our family business meant that there was pressure to do more. I had to work harder, but meeting my dad’s expectations felt impossible. I was compared to others who were “better,” and any misstep felt like a failure. Over time, I felt brainwashed, thinking that nothing I did was ever enough.
Perfectionism can also develop from the following:
In this day and age, especially, online content can be misleading. Everyone appears to have their life figured out. This unfortunately tempts us into comparing ourselves to others. As a result, even small mistakes may feel huge. Sometimes, you catch yourself thinking:
Everyone else seems to be handling life better. Why can’t I?
Other times, though, perfectionism is about control. When there is an element of uncertainty, we mistake striving for perfection as a means to keep us safe. To keep things predictable, even if doing so is exhausting.
It’s not about pride. It’s about protection. Perfectionism becomes a way to feel steady in a world that rarely is.
How Does Perfectionism Affect Mental Health?
At first, perfectionism might seem like a strength. It drives you to achieve. In time, though, it can lead to depression and burnout [2]. You are likely to feel tense or dissatisfied. You even feel like nothing you do counts. Research suggests that perfectionism may also lead to stress and low self-worth [3].
Perfectionism can also strain relationships. When your standards are sky-high for yourself or others, it can create frustration. You may find yourself distant from your loved ones. To borrow the words of Ana Sandoiu [4]:
Living with the internalized voice of perfectionism is not easy.
ANA SANDOIU
Learning to let go isn’t about lowering your standards. It’s about learning to value progress, rest, and imperfection, too.
Practical Steps to Stop Chasing Perfection
Overcoming perfectionism can be challenging. Fortunately, there are practical steps that we can take to shift our mindset. Instead of setting unrealistic standards, choose progress, not perfection.
Redefine what perfection means.
You may believe that being good enough is a glorified way of saying that you’re settling. That being short of perfect equals failure. But it doesn’t. From a big-picture perspective, the work you think isn’t ready is already more than enough.
The first step to overcoming perfectionism is reevaluating what perfection should mean. In the real world, progress is actually what matters more, even when it’s messy.
With that in mind, start embracing your own version of “good enough.” A version of yourself that doesn’t waste your energy on endless polishing. A version of yourself that motivates you to move forward instead.
Allow yourself to be human.
Being flawed is part of human nature. Everyone makes mistakes – even the people you admire the most.
So instead of punishing yourself, ask yourself: “What can I learn from this?” Mistakes are proof that at the very least, you’re trying. Recognize that every setback adds experience that perfection never could.
Set realistic goals.
Expecting too much from yourself can lead to burnout. Break things down into smaller, doable steps. Try to focus on one thing at a time as well. It’s easier to complete a few bite-sized goals daily than to always chase an impossible one.
Another way to set realistic goals is to practice time-boxing. Try setting a timer for 30 minutes dedicated to completing a task. Then, stop working when the time is up. This helps you manage your expectations by discouraging overediting or overthinking. It also allows you to do what you need to do, which is the goal in the first place. Realistic goal setting thus reminds you that done is better than perfect.
Celebrate small wins.
Perfectionists often don’t acknowledge their progress because they focus on what comes next. But every win, no matter how small, deserves recognition. Confidence grows from noticing your progress, not just from reaching the finish line.
Practice self-compassion.
Your inner critic can be harsh, but it doesn’t have to lead the conversation. Self-compassion is necessary for overcoming perfectionism. So talk to yourself the way you’d talk to a friend – with patience, understanding, and kindness.
You don’t have to earn compassion. You deserve it simply for being human.
Avoid comparing yourself to others.
The content we see online can lead us to compare ourselves to others. However, social media gives us the illusion that everyone else is living their best life. The truth is that you’re only seeing a highlight reel, not the full story.
One small step toward beating perfectionism is cleansing your social media. Unfollow or mute accounts that make you question your worth. Focus on your own journey instead of comparing timelines.
Learn to rest without guilt.
Rest doesn’t mean that you’re lazy. It means that you value yourself beyond what you can produce. Taking breaks resets your mind and encourages creativity to flow. Sometimes, the most productive thing you can do is to hit pause.
Seek support.
Perfectionism grows stronger the more you hide it. Talk about your struggles with someone you trust. It could be anyone you trust: a friend, a therapist, or a mentor. You’ll then realize that you are not alone. Shared understanding can also help ease your distress.
Adopt a growth mindset.
A growth mindset means recognizing the following truths [5]:
You know that you have a growth mindset if you believe that you’re not good at something… yet. At the same time, you believe that you will improve over time. Adopting a growth mindset is more than admitting your limitations. It’s also about balancing them with an inner resolve to rise to the challenge.
Learning to Be Okay With Being Good Enough: A Final Note
Overcoming perfectionism isn’t about giving up on high standards. It’s about recognizing that your worth isn’t tied to flawless results. The goal isn’t to be perfect. It’s to be real. To grow. To keep showing up, even when it’s uncomfortable.
If this article took me longer to write than I’d like, that’s okay. I’m still learning to let “good enough” be enough. But that’s the best kind of progress: being an imperfect yet sincere human being.
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